Nikk Farr. A cross between Mad Max and The Kurgan from Highlander. Nick owned a Matt Black Ford Capri -i'm sure if you looked closely you could see the Book of the Apocolypse etched into the paint work. Nick had the terryfing skill of being able drive at 80MPH through the singletrack back lanes of Devon with a bottle of Manns Brown Ale in one hand whilst rolling a spliff with the other and overtaking a tractor.
What ever you do... don't get in that car!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Bomber Harris Returns
TWOC wasn't the first time i had a visit from Bomber Harris. Next time I saw him he was Detective Inspector Bomber Harris and he had a Lemmy from Motorhead type moustache. He now reminds me of D.I Burnside from The Bill.
In about '84 I was in bed about to struggle up and go to my crappy job when I suddenly hear an agressive pounding at my front door. I look out the window to see the newly promoted D.I Bomber Harris and another officer. Harris is telling me to"get down here now" rather aggressively.
I go down, open the door and the interogation begins. I am being accused of breaking in to my local; The Beer Engine. I remember well his interogation technique -guilty before presumed innocent. I felt like one of the Birmingham Six about to go down, about to crumble under the pressure and just say "yes it was me, i broke in and emptied the fruit machine" But no, its ludicrous, it wasn't me, I was in there drinking last night, i work there sometimes and I am good freinds with the Landlord. I may be a dumb teenager but I wouldn't piss for too long on my own doorstep.
Eventually Harris sees reason, and that I am not his guy. I make him take me too work as I am well late by now. He moves on to interogate most of my freinds and gets no where. Pete the landlord gave him a good bollocking, what a tosser.
In about '84 I was in bed about to struggle up and go to my crappy job when I suddenly hear an agressive pounding at my front door. I look out the window to see the newly promoted D.I Bomber Harris and another officer. Harris is telling me to"get down here now" rather aggressively.
I go down, open the door and the interogation begins. I am being accused of breaking in to my local; The Beer Engine. I remember well his interogation technique -guilty before presumed innocent. I felt like one of the Birmingham Six about to go down, about to crumble under the pressure and just say "yes it was me, i broke in and emptied the fruit machine" But no, its ludicrous, it wasn't me, I was in there drinking last night, i work there sometimes and I am good freinds with the Landlord. I may be a dumb teenager but I wouldn't piss for too long on my own doorstep.
Eventually Harris sees reason, and that I am not his guy. I make him take me too work as I am well late by now. He moves on to interogate most of my freinds and gets no where. Pete the landlord gave him a good bollocking, what a tosser.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
TWOC
First Court Appearance.
1983. Taking and Driving Without Owners Consent (TWOC). Totally pissed, owner left keys in car at petrol station. I drove off -managed 80mph just outside Credition Devon. Car bounced off kirb a few times but managed to keep it in a straight line and on the correct side of the road. Drove through back lanes of Devon for a little while and eventually a massive tree on top of a hedge jumped out and wrapped itself around the bonnet -car totaled. I walk home and go to bed -had a good nights sleep.
A week later Officer Bomber Harris knocks on my parents doors and busts my ass. It was a very inconvenient time as I was doing my hair in the bathroom. He lets me finish my hair though. I am taken to the Police Station -my mug shot is taken as are my finger prints.
Another week passes -I have to go see Mr Carey, the car owner, and apologise for totaling his car. I explain I was pissed and give him a cheque for £800. He is more than happy with my explanation and wishes me all the best.
A few more weeks pass and I am in court. The magistrate gives me a bollocking -fines me £400 and puts 8 points on my licence. I pay about £5 a week for eternity, this is a lot as I only make £25 per week -an eighth of the sticky is £16 so you get the picture. The press bench is empty, which is a relief, as at the time I worked for a company that installs car alarms .
Two weeks later I pass my driving test.
1983. Taking and Driving Without Owners Consent (TWOC). Totally pissed, owner left keys in car at petrol station. I drove off -managed 80mph just outside Credition Devon. Car bounced off kirb a few times but managed to keep it in a straight line and on the correct side of the road. Drove through back lanes of Devon for a little while and eventually a massive tree on top of a hedge jumped out and wrapped itself around the bonnet -car totaled. I walk home and go to bed -had a good nights sleep.
A week later Officer Bomber Harris knocks on my parents doors and busts my ass. It was a very inconvenient time as I was doing my hair in the bathroom. He lets me finish my hair though. I am taken to the Police Station -my mug shot is taken as are my finger prints.
Another week passes -I have to go see Mr Carey, the car owner, and apologise for totaling his car. I explain I was pissed and give him a cheque for £800. He is more than happy with my explanation and wishes me all the best.
A few more weeks pass and I am in court. The magistrate gives me a bollocking -fines me £400 and puts 8 points on my licence. I pay about £5 a week for eternity, this is a lot as I only make £25 per week -an eighth of the sticky is £16 so you get the picture. The press bench is empty, which is a relief, as at the time I worked for a company that installs car alarms .
Two weeks later I pass my driving test.
Virgin Galactic
I couldn't resist -it might get me a free flight, you never know! Any way here is a copy of the email I sent;
Dear VG
I just wanted to share with an idea I had for your first flight. Just for a second imagine the look on your customers faces when they return to earth only to find that all your ground crew have put on ape costumes carrying rifles and are mounted on large black stallions. Surely this would be the best practical joke ever?
King Regards
Giuliano Broccato
Dear VG
I just wanted to share with an idea I had for your first flight. Just for a second imagine the look on your customers faces when they return to earth only to find that all your ground crew have put on ape costumes carrying rifles and are mounted on large black stallions. Surely this would be the best practical joke ever?
King Regards
Giuliano Broccato
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